I have been longing for feeling normal again after my surgery, and now, my first session of chemotherapy.
It isn’t just feeling normal that is holy grail like at the moment..it is doing normal things. I want to just wander into town to potter around and pick up a few Christmas presents. That hasn’t really been possible. Walks have been exhausting, Mark doesn’t like leaving me on my own for more than about 20 minutes, and organising all the appointments for treatment, follow - up, blood tests, wig fittings, etc etc seem to take forever. All of this of course, underlines the fact that cancer and its treatment now dominates our lives...... and I want normal !
So...although my initial reaction to my first chemo session was to require extra pain relief, and a trip to the wonderfully supportive oncology ward at Huddersfield Royal Infirmary last weekend....since then, I have recovered well. After a couple of days of pain, total exhaustion set in...which is not unpleasant.......as long as you don’t try to do anything. I drifted from bed to sofa, from dreams to rubbish on TV, a few conversations, and directions to Jess as to where to place tree decorations....and then...suddenly, 2 days after that.... I recognised, starting to feel “normalish”.
|Thanks for getting the tree and decorating it Jess.... a really good job.|
Yesterday, I made a cake. It wasn’t a special cake. In fact I couldn’t even remember my normal Victoria sponge ( with a hint of chocolate) recipe. It is one I have used for years. I never have to look it up, I just get the right amount of stuff out of the cupboard and do it. For some reason I could not remember how many eggs, how much butter, sugar, flour......Then, I realised I had no idea where I even got my usual recipe from in the first place. So, for the first time in a long time, I consulted Mary Berry, and went for her creamed recipe rather than the all in one, never being a fan of all in one stuff.
The cake is great...... and drinking coffee, and eating cake that I have made just feels amazing.........really, really, normal