Friday 30 November 2012

Alice Ellen...my grandmother


Alice Ellen Redshaw 1911 -1996

My maternal grandmother was born into a mining family in Lamesley, County Durham. Her first job was in a bakery in Chester le St when she was 14, and then when she was 18 she moved to London, accompanying her younger sister, where they both found jobs “in service”. Alice lived in London for nearly 70 years....but home was always the north east, and she never lost her beautiful geordie accent.

Alice met my grandfather, Thurlo Basil, who had also come to London for work. He was from a large family ( 13 children) in Herefordshire, and he found work in London as a window cleaner.

Alice got pregnant......they married in July 1931...... and Joy, my mother was born in December 1931.
Frail Alice Ellen with her new husband Thurlo
1931

Life was tough for Alice, window cleaner/ painter and decorator/odd job man Thurlo was a gambler, a womaniser and a heavy drinker. There were several occasions when Alice came home from work to find her few pieces of furniture had been sold to pay off gambling debts. Thurlo was also a violent man. Alice suffered back eyes, swollen cheeks and once, a broken arm.

Roal Navy Deep Sea diver, Thurlo Basil Dawes
The outbreak of war in 1939 was a bit of a blessing for the little family. Thurlo joined the Navy, and left home for 5 years. Alice and Joy, who was nearly 8 when the war began, had a few years of peace and quiet on the domestic front. Joy, evacuated from London to her paternal grandmother’s house in Hereford, returned to London and to her mother, when she discovered she hated her grandmother nearly as much as she hated her own father.
Alice on the right, with Joy, my mother.....happy days when Thurlo was at war.
( about 1943 )

 
Alice had been pregnant again when Thurlo left for the war, but baby Beryl died before she was 6 months old, from meningitis. I don’t think Thurlo ever saw his youngest daughter.

Alice started working in a school canteen, as a dinner lady, and by the time I was born ( 10 years after the end of the war), Alice was canteen superviser. Alice was the first person in our family to have a “ superannuated” job......meaning she got a pension. Alice was incredibly proud of her kitchen, her team of dinner ladies, and the meals that they produced. At Christmas she went into work at 3am, to put the turkeys on for Christmas dinner......all fresh ingredients, cooked on the premises. She saved 3d and 6d pieces all year round, to put in the Christmas puddings ( no Council health and safety issues in those days), and she was always so proud of the Christmas cakes she and her team produced.
Alice in the centre, surrounded by her team of dinner ladies.


Alice's school Christmas cakes....children at the counter, waiting to dive in. 
Alice put up with being beaten up,  and with her few possessions being sold off periodically. Her daughter’s Christmas presents even vanished once on Boxing day, when Thurlo needed cash for an unpaid debt. Then, as she approached retirement, and receipt of that pension she regarded so highly, she discovered that he was having yet another affair.  In 1970, when she was 59, after nearly40 years of marriage, of beatings of drunken brawls and countless affairs, she finally had enough. Alice divorced Thurlo and came to live with us, until she managed to set herself up in a little flat a few miles from where we lived.
my favourite photo of "Nanny"....grandma Alice...this is how I remember her, wearing one of her great home knitted cardigans.
 
When she retired, she spent her “lump sum” on a 6 month trip to South Africa to see her favourite sister-in-law, and then she returned to live in her lovely little flat, where she was finally safe and very happy.
Alice in South Africa.....a free woman, at last.
 
Alice made the best cakes, knitted the best sweaters, and was a perfect grandma. Her life was tough from the start, and she soldiered through to make the best possible life she could for my mother.
oh, the cakes she used to make.......her pastry was to die for, and she loved nothing more than cooking for parties.

Thurlo was diagnosed with lung cancer in the mid 70s...... Alice looked after him until he died, and she always let him think...that if he was well behaved.....she might take him back ! ( I don't think for one minute, she would have taken him back but she always said she had never loved anyone else, and it didn't hurt anyone to let him hope).
Great grandma ( still referred to as nanny) and my daughter Jessie
1991


A photographic collage I put together a few years ago, from top left:
Mary Esther Sumner, mother of (top right) Alice Ellen Green, mother of (centre) Alice Ellen Redshaw.....my lovely grandmother, who was mother of (bottom left) Joy, who was mother of (bottom right) me......mother of (centre bottom) a very much younger than she is now, Jessie, whose middle name is of course,  Alice......got to keep the name going......

 
 

 

22 comments:

  1. Sadly that is a reflection of how life was for many women, they were trapped, no benefits system, or refuges for women to escape to then.
    It is uplifting to learn that she retained her spirit and was able to make a new life for herself eventually. However, she must have been an extremely compassionate lady to then nurse her sick ex-husband in his final days.

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    1. Yes, there was something very special about her. I have to say, if he had lived, and she had "taken him back"... I think, her daughter, my mother, would have had a few words to say ! Jx

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  2. A great tribute to a quietly determined lady, Janice. It's lovely to learn about your family though it seems you had some bad luck with both your grandfathers - or rather your grandmothers did. Shocking to think anyone would hurt that lovely, gentle face. As Rosemary says, she really must have loved him to look after him as she did. Great strength. Axxx

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    1. I haven't really thought about how "bad" both my grandfathers were before. I never met the bigamist, but I have sympathies for him as I am sure his WW1 experiences basically shattered his life... and were at the root of his subsequent behaviour. Thurlo was a different case altogether... he was a very unpleasant man......only complicated for me, by the fact that he adored me, and made every attempt to spoil me, to retain contact after the divorce, and was genuinely heartbroken when my mother refused to let me have contact with him. ( I did make contact with him when I was 18..... secretly, and it was then I found out my grandmother was doing the same thing !! ) Jx

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  3. Just found this...really excited..it's lovely!

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    1. Lovely to see you here Gerry. I will get some of our family research to you.... the Redshaws were a great bunch... and your nana, my wonderful Auntie Mamie, was definitely one of the super stars.
      Thurlo was basically a bad man.... he often put on an incredible show for the cousins....but underneath he was a violent man. I would love to know any stories that Uncle Frank recalls... and as I said to Cindy, I have no doubt that your mum will have seen straight through him ! lots of love Jxxxxx

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  4. What a great tribute and memory for your amazing Grandmother.....how wonderful it was that she managed to keep her high spirits and go on a dream trip to South Africa....and had a great talent for baking. Do you have any of her recipes you could pass on to your daughter?
    It's sad what women had to go through in the old days with no refuge or financial benefits to get in times of their lives when needed, like they have now......but she had a good heart and looked after your Grandfather in his last days.
    Very nice post and I hope all is well with you.XX

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    1. Thanks Erica ( Irene). My lovely grandmother was a tremendously strong woman...and it was only when she had the security of her pension that she had the strength to rid herself of her husband. I am pleased that my daughter Jess remembers nanny Alice, even though Jess was only 5 when she died. These powerful women in our pasts make us what we are dont they ? ! Jxxxx

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  5. It is amazing what women had to put up with until so short a time ago. Your grandmother was an exceptional woman to have not only put up with such an horrendous marriage for so long, but also to have raised her daughter to be exceptional too. Your photographs are wonderful and the tribute you have paid to dear Alice is beautiful indeed.

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    1. Thanks Broad, she was an amazing woman, and I am so glad she was an important part of my life. Ididn't do too well in the grandfather stakes, but both of my grandmothers were out of this world. Jx

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  6. What a very touching portrait of your strong, determined and lovely grandmother, Janice. She had a very hard life for a long time, but she didn't allow it to crush her spirit, which is truly admirable. There are some interesting parallels with my mother's life, including the birth only six months into the parents' marriage and the career as a dinner lady, ending up as a supervisor, but my mother was fortunate in her marriage and sadly Alice found herself with a wrong 'un. The fact she was willing to nurse him in his last illness says volumes about her sterling character and her ability to love.

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    1. No doubt, Alice was a tremendous woman...and Thurlo was most definitely a wrong 'un. Some of my earliest memories are of going to her school kitchen, and being spoiled rotten by her team of dinner ladies. Jx

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  7. Such a dashing name - Thurlo Basil - pity he couldn't live up to it.

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    1. Some of his 12 siblings had ineresting names, Simeon, Jaebus, Luther, Deverill..... my great grandmother claimed all her children were named after characters in books she read when she was pregnant....but I suspect that may just be a piece of family mythology. J.

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  8. I think I'm in a wobbly mood - Alice's story has me in tears! What a lovely woman.
    I love the photo of the jolly dinner ladies - they don't make 'em like that any more.

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    1. Oh Nilly, she was lovely, and incredibly brave..... and you are dead right about the dinner ladies... they look like a bunch you wouldn't want to meet on a dark night ! I remember a few of them.... they were lovely too ! Jx

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  9. Alice's story is touching, heart-wrenching, and, most of all, inspiring, Janice. All she endured and, finally, her freedom with a sense of humor in tact. Her strong spirit and character certainly shine through, especially in her care of Thurlo at the end of his life. Joy. A perfect name for your mother.

    That is a wonderful composite of the women in your family, all carrying the name of Alice.

    Wonderful post!

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    1. Thanks Penny. I knew she was pretty special when she was alive, and I treasured time I was able to spend with her, both as a child and then an adult. It was only recently though that I have actually thought about how tough her life had been, and how remarkably strong she must have been. The men in my family have often been interesting.... but I have no doubt that it has been the women that have held things together ! Jx

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  10. Yes.... apropos your last comment... appreciation for the hardship, struggles and phenomenal strengths of women who've gone before us comes into sharper focus as the years go by, doesn't it? Usually too late to sit down and have the conversations that come to mind but what a lovely tribute this is. I love the idea of the turkeys and Christmas cakes being baked in the school kitchen, those lucky children to have such a nurturing soul in charge of their school dinners!

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    1. I've only just come across your comment Jill. You are right, it would be good to talk to some of these amazing women wouldn't it. School lunches certainly dont come near the kind of thing Alice was responsible for.... no turkey twizzlers, no reconstituted meat in Alice's kitchen ! J.

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  11. Such a lovely tribute to your grandmother. She was certainly an amazing lady! I visited your blog from Maa's (Sue) and have just kept reading...:-)

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    1. Thanks for dropping by Maria. I'm looking forward to looking at your blogs...your creativity has me in complete awe ! J.

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