Eyelash glue sounds messy to me.

Having finally finished all my “post cancer surgery follow up risk reduction treatment”....5 months of chemotherapy and 6 sessions of bracytherapy radiotherapy....I am trying to get back to life without hospital appointments dominating everything.

I expected to feel elated as I approached the last few sessions of radiotherapy, and was surprised that I didn’t. In fact, I felt quite low, which certainly surprised me. When I finished the chemo, I was delighted, and practically cartwheeled out of the hospital after my last session. Everyone was asking me how good I felt as the last treatment approached. I sort of just agreed with everyone, that it was good to be seeing the end of the tunnel, and various other clichés . I didn’t disagree...it did feel good, but not as wonderful as I had expected.

I realised quite quickly that it was because ending the treatment that would hopefully keep me cancer free for ever was actually quite scary. I felt as if I wanted some treatment to carry on...just to make sure !

I also realised that having been the focus of so much medical attention, so many consultants, registrars, SHOs, specialist nurses, gynaey nurses, oncology nurses, chemo specialists, radiographers, radiologists, phlebotomists, auxiliary nurses, secretaries, and volunteer tea ladies.....I was going to be on my own.

I know this is not really the case. I’m not on my own... apart from incredible family and friends, the follow up support from the NHS is going to be there for me. In fact I have an appointment with the chemo consultant next week...to start the monitoring regime. I have also spoken to my specialist nurse who is putting me in touch with a Macmillan nurse who is a counsellor, to help me with the next stage.....recovery.

I am not back to “normal” yet.

I have no hair, which I hate. The final straw was when my eyelashes and eyebrows, which lasted well into the 4^th chemo session, fell out. Drawing my eyes onto my face takes a good 20 minutes every day . I considered buying some false eyelashes this week, but decided against, as I know I would make a dreadful mess of fixing them on.

I was pleased to finally get back into my size 12 jeans 2 weeks ago...but the radiotherapy has meant I have swollen up a bit again....so the jeans are back in the wardrobe for another couple of weeks.

My feet are very numb....I am sure I am walking in an odd duck like flat footed way. I have had to buy a pair of what I think of as “very old lady shoes”. I used to wear outrageously high heels, but life as an auxiliary nurse and life on the ward taught me about sensible shoes.....but there is sensible......and there are very old lady shoes......I do not like them.

I am very tired, although I don’t mind this too much, it is so much better than being so wired due to the steroids taken to alleviate the chemo effects. However, having more energy would be good.

I have very little strength....walking up very minor hills turns my legs to jelly, and I can’t carry anything heavier than a bag with a phone, a purse and a packet of tissues.

However.......since I finished the radiotherapy, 3 days ago.....only 3 days ago...... I have :

celebrated by going out to dinner with Mark, which included drinking 2 glasses of wine;

sitting in our local, The Stubbings Wharf, drinking my first of 2 glasses of wine

celebrated by visiting the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, for a walk and a lovely lunch overlooking the fabulous Henry Moores and Barbara Hepworths and the gorgeous Yorkshire landscape;

visited a friend in Huddersfield, on my own, in my own car, for a few hours, without phoning Mark to let him know I was ok;

been for a couple of drives, checking out the new borns in various nearby fields;

 

tidied the garden;

planned a few visits to friends for next week.....and, best of all,

Mark booked flights to France, for a 7 week visit to our house in Caunes.....with no Drs or hospital visits to think about. We go in 2 weeks time.

us, last summer in Caunes....can't wait to be back

So, on balance.........it feels amazing.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me through the last 6 months. Blogging friends have given me so much encouragement. I have made new friends due to the cancer connexion, and have found so much support from people all over the world who have entered into dialogue with me, whether I have been blogging about the cancer journey, or blogging about avoiding it. I am now looking forward to getting back to following everyone’s posts properly, exploring more blogs and to blogging about a really normal life again, in Caunes and in Yorkshire.

Gorgeous flowers,bought by Mark, to help celebrate the end of this part of the journey